The beginning of the end.

I am a positive person, I always look at what I do have, and try not to mourn for what I don’t. What I won’t have soon is my beautiful little family farm. It’s going up for sale when the dreary wet days of winter are behind us and spring arrives in a great burst of life and hope, with a vibrant green backdrop and birdsong through the valley.

The drone went up in the autumn while there was colour and joy in the landscape, the mud, wet and misery of winter, which apart from log fires and early evenings has little to recommend it ahead. When I saw the photographs I gasped with shock, had I really not noticed how incredibly beautiful this rolling valley of Oak, beech and ash trees, small odd shaped fields and hedgerows really was from the Arial view of red kites, buzzards and numerous birds?

Realistically, this beautiful corner of Gloucestershire will not be sold to a farmer. More than half of small farms are broken up and acquired as investments as part of a portfolio with resulting tax relief, carbon offsets or maybe a private residence, which then rents out or sells off the land. Does this matter? Probably not, at the end of the day you cannot change the way things are and if someone loves the place and enjoys being here, well, good luck to them. But please look after the land that generations have nurtured. 

One thing is for sure, I cannot see myself ever visiting this farm again. Mainly this is because the house, my home will change. The ‘back kitchen’ aka an absolute mess of coats, dog beds, wellies, gloves, penknives, massive wood box called Ronnie (Ronnie Wood) will be gone, and marvelous things will have been done by the new owners who will probably say “You should have seen the state of the place when we moved in!” You can always tell a real country house from the brown leather settees (don’t get marked and can be wiped over), the carpets that are a tweedy or flecked with brown and beige (don’t show the dirt) and as for white anything….forget it! Quite often the whole ground floor will be solid tiles with strategically placed rugs so it can all be mopped over and shaken out. Country house style is as near to a mud/slurry colour as you achieve with interior design. I don’t care….its home. 

My new life will have to include land, its a huge element of who I am. When I look at details on the online agency sites I take a very quick look at the outside of the house then scroll to the land/garden and outbuildings, looking at the satellite view. Also worth checking local planning applications and public comment, it really gives a ‘feel’ for the area and highlights any ‘serial objectors’ whether it effects them or not. (usually retired professionals with time on their hands and google at the ready and speed dial to the local council). Oh God, please don’t let me turn into one of them and yet an element of me says “thank goodness” we have some sort of planning control, unlike the 60’s and 70’s, a time that my dad referred to as vandalism, and Bath, where I grew up lost thousands of historical buildings and features, to be replaced by modernity which has since been demolished. A local husband and wife team called Ruth and Peter Cord sketched and wrote about that which was gone forever. 

So , the decisions was made. At first an almost casual remark by my business partner throwing the idea of a new life, to which I said “yes”. That one affirmative word has yet to reveal future of possibility, excitement and unknown challenges. ”Yes”…the word that has and will change my world forever as it has for many others. 

Disappearing dog means we’re off to mow a meadow

When you can no longer see your dog (or small children) remove them, and if the weather forcasters give us four clear days you can get out the mower. Each year it feels as if there is a marathon ahead. You wave goodbye to your loved ones and promise to return at the end of summer. There is nothing like the ‘squirrely feeling’ of a barn (or yard if wrapped) full of hay. Safe for another 12 months. Really farmers are professional gamblers. We make a decision based on a pine cone, seaweed or the met office then put thousands of pounds of crop on the deck and pray. Imagine a pay cheque depending on weather forecast. One year we were loading up at 2.00am, as we drove up the drive the first spots of rain hit the windscreen. We backed into the barn and went to bed, exhausted but happy.

Gates, fallen branches and a nag bag.

I honestly wonder if there should be evening classes for bright people (almost everyone I believe everyone has something about them) who don’t have enough to occupy their brains. We are victims of such a person. Endlessly moaning about everything to do with the arena, livery yard and farm footpaths. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN GIVE US SOME TIME! Its spring, its beyond busy on farms and we have had storms bringing branches and trees down everywhere. As my better half said”I am mightily glad I don’t live next door to her”. Actually I am mightily glad I don’t live next door to anyone. Don’t suppose I would make a great neighbour either, as we turn up the volume knob on decks when the mood takes us….wish ‘nag bag’ had an off or pause button.

Unbelievable amount of work ahead.

Bugger the BBQ, there work to be done.

Spring may have sprung bringing very early bluebells but we are still clearing up fallen trees in the wake of the storms. The sound of chainsaws echos around the valley, as my better half said “once one farmer does something you all do”. True but mainly dictated by weather and ground conditions, which being dry is perfect. Its now a race against the grass growth which will conceal the wood until you hit it with an implement (mower, tedder, topper) then issue a few chosen words and after limping back to the yard only to find a livery client has neatly parked right outside the workshop…more chosen words! (Under our breath) as like many farmers we have the public on the farm so we are now fully trained diplomats, although if I got in the vicinity of Putin all diplomacy would go out of the window for a good old fashioned pitch fork in the bum.

Break out the sherry, first fields done!

You think your neighbours are nosy?

At last the first bales of 2019 are stacked in the yard. Words cannot describe what a relief it is. I celebrated (once ears and shoulders, fused together from tension, had been surgically separated) with a stiff drink.

To add to the tension dark clouds have loomed all day, the thought of our lovely fluffy hay being soaked again was an awful prospect. I try very hard not to stress about these things, after all, what difference does it make whether we worry or not?

All this activity which involved the Baler (takes in the hay and sends it out the back as if the machine is doing a poo) the wrapper (if you get a chance to watch one of these machines working definitely do, its quite a sight) the tele handler and tractor with trailer was watched by the nosy cattle. There is literally NEVER a boring day on a farm, like ours, too much is going on. We even had a red kite swooping above us while all this activity continued below.

Hubby is very, very unwell and apart from giving advice its impossible for him to do anything practical. I cannot imagine how hard that must be after farming your whole life. If we show him videos of photos its upsetting. If we don’t let him know what is happening he feels obsolete. This is why he has the role of consultant. Until now how we didn’t appreciate how knowledgeable he is, the thought of going it alone is utterly terrifying.

Our ex apprentice from several years ago has come back to help after his day job. He has been such a wonderful help and support. For somebody so young his knowledge of machinery is incredible. Some youngsters don’t enjoy school but never right them off, what price do you put on practical skills? These are the guys/girls who will earn big bucks in the future and the rest of the academics are replaced by technology. They are problem solvers.

Planning my revenge on weather forecasters

“Lovely sunny weather ahead, dust off the barbecues”.

That’s what the weather forecasters said during our hourly, obsessive, compulsive updates. They must be right with all that multi million pound, state of the art equipment and expertise.

Sod the barbecue, sod getting my middle aged body ‘beach ready’, farmers generally don’t holiday in summer and the body MOT would take longer than Brexit negotiations to be beach ready!

So we got out the mower, replaced the blades, greased it up and with a bit of instruction from ‘hubby’s bedside consultancy’ and a fab neighbouring farmer off we went to mow a meadow.

“Light showers” they said, “No more than 4 mm” ….really? We have now cut 15 acres of hay for it to be rained on and drenched. I now understand why the bedside consultant used to shout “lying bastards, that’s not what you said yesterday” at the TV weather forecast. Mike regularly shouted at the forecasters, anybody on the footpath going past the house will have wondered about the state of our marriage…

James (lovely stepson) and I have never been permitted to mow before. Well, not exactly true, we both did it once. It was declared ‘not up to standard’ by you know who so were allocated menial tasks befitting our lowly status. Oh how I now wish we’d both paid more attention, its all come back to haunt us, reminiscent of the times I drifted off in maths lessons at school.

So, we have cut the hay. First field went OK apart from a few lumps where mower was a bit low, second field went even better which was a bloody miracle as James has a social life (whatever that is?) and wanted to be prepared for the ladies and not smelling of parfum de cattle shed. Oh what it is to be young.

The baler and wrapper contractors will be in later today. I managed to sort this with numerous phone calls before they consider enforcing a restraining order for harassment. But will it all come right or are we going to be eating a tin of dog food in front of a one bar electric fire by the end of the year?